I wrote a short post not long ago titled “What to do all day?”, a veiled reference to my complete and utter boredom.
I did my best to sugarcoat it, to look at it from other points of view and consider the fortunate aspects. But not today.
Today I am just well enough to stay in bed (as per every other bloody day) and watch TV. I hate watching TV.
I do not even have enough energy to continue the final drafting (my seventh or eighth, or maybe the twentieth, I think) of my book. The book I started writing over a year ago to help keep the boredom away. I’ve managed two hundred words or less a day, about ten minutes. The excitement is almost too much for my medication.
Damn, everything is so circular when you are chronically ill. I could easily cure my boredom by walking to the computer room, turning it on and playing a game, yet my illness has left me with not enough energy to get there. For weeks now.
So I sit here and wonder what the hell to do. I honestly have serious thoughts such as, I wonder what it would be like if I cut off my big toe? I mean, would I really miss it? It certainly would keep me occupied for a while!
I could also go to the living room where my poor suffering wife helped me to acquire a games machine. I also have a DVD player and a couple of hundred movies.
But I have no energy to leave the bedroom, and the chronic pain of my Fibromyalgia forbids it. Circular, you see?
Boredom is insidious. I used to never be bored, I always could rely on my brain to keep me occupied. Right now my brain is spinning slightly and too tired to produce any thoughts worthy of consideration. I mean, just take a look at this post!
So there you are. Completely bored out of my brain and no energy to even think my way out of it.
The specialists didn’t tell me about this part of the process, only that it would probably last for the rest of my days.
Great, at least I have something to look forward to!