Seeing the Commonwealth Games on television last night got me thinking, why not hold a ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia Games?!!
There could be Gold Medals awarded in events such as;
- Who can get out of bed first;
- The fastest time for getting out of bed and into the kitchen;
- Who can go to sleep and stay asleep for the longest time;
- Who can take their pain medication the fastest (with bonus points for remembering the correct doses);
- Who can correctly put away ten random everyday items from a supermarket in their right places;
- Who can remain standing up in a shower for the longest time;
- Who can do their meagre household budget the quickest (bonus points for accuracy and for actually knowing what a budget is);
- Who can stay on hold with Centrelink the longest without going insane from their on hold music;
- Who can fill out an application for the Disability Support Pension without going mad and tearing it up in tears;
- Who can drive their kids to school whilst remembering to actually have their kids in the car and then leave them at school before going home;
- Who can actually drive;
- Who can find the leftovers from dinner the night before (hint: try looking in random cupboards);
- Who can convince a doctor that their condition is real (bonus points for completing this before the Games closing ceremony);
- How fast can you convince a random member of the public that lying in bed all day is actually not a holiday (again bonus points for completing this before the Closing Ceremony);
- Who can take the most medication withhin 24 hours without significant side effects; (ambulances will be on standby);
- A motorised wheelchair race;
- Who can hold a conversation the longest whilst actually making sense;
- Who can say the word ‘Centrelink’ without screaming or bursting into tears;
- Who can receive a refusal for their Disability Support Pension the fastest;
- Who can go a day without pain (this event will carry over to the next Games in four years time, and every Games after that until a winner is declared);
- Who can climb up the steps to the diving board the fastest (you don’t actually have to dive, simply falling off is acceptable);
- Who can watch real athletes complete the decathlon without feeling exhausted and requiring resuscitation;
- Who can remember to bring their tickets so they can get into the Games (bonus points if you also remember your lanyard and plastic ID holder);
- Who can complete a five metre swim without drowning (floaties are allowed);
- Who can remember to actually show up to the Games;
- The final event, traditionally a marathon, will be replaced by awarding gold to the first person who remembers where they parked their car.
These are but a few of the exhilarating events of these wonderful, prestigious Games. They would be held alongside the Paralympic Games because no-one with ME/CFS or Fibromyalgia could possibly interfere with their events.
If the four years between Games is too short for competitors to recover in time, the Games may need to be held every eight years (or twelve).
The actual gold medals will be made of paper, as we do not want to see contestants falling off podiums after receiving them due to their weight.
Also the podiums will be replaced by beds, at different heights off the ground (the tallest being one-and-a-half feet high) so contestants can actually receive their hard earned medals.
I think we are on a winning idea here!Who is with me!
…….now that is just rude, you could simply just say no……
Now what am I going to do with all these paper gold medals???